Interview! Stefanie Iris Weiss Talks Making Sex Green

Here at GetLusty for Couples, we like to be positive influence on your relationships and sex life, but we're also into the whole "green" movement. What do sex and the environment have to do with each other? Well, if you use condoms, lubricant, or sex toys – then they have a lot to do with each other. The production of these kinds of items can be harsh on Mother Earth. Our Chief Lust Officer, Erica Grigg, talked with Stefanie Iris Weiss, of EcoSex.net, about "green" sex. Also, check out her Eco Sex book on Amazon!

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#1 What are the basics of Eco-Sex?

Eco-Sex is a new way of raising consciousness about sexuality and its connection with the planet we share. In a world where we tend have more intimacy with our smartphones than our partners, the reminder to slow down and reengage with our sensual selves is mandatory. Eco-Sex teaches us that our bodies are sacred, and thus, we should not poison them. In both courtship and beyond, the do-it-yourself (DIY) tools, products, therapies in the Eco-Sex arena are safe, healthy, and good for the planet as well as our bodies. Raising our consciousness can raise our libido, and that's the happy end result of engaging in Eco-Sex.

#2 What got you into Eco-Sex advocacy?

In 2008 I started to realize that even my "greenest" friends were eco-conscious in every way, but not in their sex lives. I'd ask about lube, birth control and sex toys, and they hadn't even thought about what was in them. I realized that because we think of sexuality as something separate from ourselves, these needs were buried, hidden and obscured. It was embarrassing, even for my most progressive friends. I decided I needed to write a book to address that -- to bring two of my favorite topics, sex and sustainability, into the same space. That's how Eco-Sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable (Crown Publishing/Ten Speed Press, 2010) came to be.

#3 What are your favorite sexy, "green" toys?

I'm obsessed with the mind-blowingly brilliant (and body-safe) toys from Jimmy Jane. All of their toys are gorgeous and free of toxins, and designed in-house by Ethan Imboden -- the man knows what he's doing. I've also been liking the offerings from Lelo lately.

#4 How are you spreading the word about Eco-sex?

I do workshops, talks, radio interviews, blogs and Tweet (I'm a pretty prolific tweeter). I write for Huffington Post (lately, political writing about the war on women and reproductive rights). I can be found online at ecosex.net, and my Twitter handle is @ecosexuality.

#5 For those looking to go "green", what adult retailers do you advocate for?

Big love to Babeland in NYC (and Seattle), Good Vibrations in San Francisco, and Smitten Kitten in the Midwest. Also the ever-lovely (and beautifully dirty) girls of Coco De Mer across the pond.

#7 Does only using eco-friendly products limit how much fun couples can have in the bedroom?

Absolutely not! That's the most beautiful benefit of Eco-Sex – it improves your sex life, heightens your libido, and can bring the spark back to couples whose bedrooms have become bastions of boredom. There's nothing like making organic massage oil together, experimenting with the wonders of coconut oil, tantra, etc.. Use your imagination.

#8 Besides being good to our mother earth, does eco sex have any benefits to our sexual or physical health?

Yes, it just makes you healthier. A big piece of Eco-Sex, and a chapter in the book, is dedicated to healthy eating. Vegan, raw, and sustainable aphrodisiacs bring a whole new dimension to one's sex life, but also helps you avoid obesity, diabetes, heart attacks, etc.. More energy is good for everything in life – not just sex.

More about Stefanie

Stefanie Iris Weiss, MA, is the author of nine books, including her latest title–Eco-Sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable (Crown Publishing/Ten Speed Press, 2010). Based in NYC, she writes about feminism, sexuality, reproductive rights, sustainability, dating and relationships, and more. Stefanie is a regular contributor to British Elle, and has written for Nerve.com, The Daily Green, Marie Claire, Zink Magazine, and Teen Vogue, to name a few. Her new sex & sustainability column, Above the Sheets, debuted in ABOVE Magazine last fall. Her website is ecosex.net.

Stefanie holds a Master of Arts in English Education from New York University. Since 1998, she has been an adjunct professor in New York City (at Hunter College and Marymount Manhattan College). Stefanie leads writing workshops for both teens and adults. In 2008 she was a mentor for Girls Write Now, an organization that connects professional women writers to teenagers seeking mentorship in writing. Find her on Twitter and subscribe to her on Facebook.

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5 Tips For Young Parents To Have More Sex

Everyone seems to be busy, tired, or both these days. With jobs, families, and social life commitments how does anyone have time for sex? Now just imagine throwing in a few young children into the mix and sex becomes that much more difficult. Nadine Thornhill, sexual health educator, writer, partner and parent can relate and understand to what other suffering parental units are going through. She has come up with 5 ways to keep your sex life thriving because everyone deserves sex on a regular basis.

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You are so into each other! So much so that you’ve made a life together and thrown some little people in the mix for good measure! They’re beautiful, amazing kids who are totally harshing your sex buzz. Been there, done that. Or more accurately: am there, doing that. I certainly haven’t found the secret of living with a young child AND maintaining a rigorous schedule of hot monkey sex. But The Man of Mans and I have managed to be co-parents and sex partners and sometimes we manage to do both on the same day.

Here are 5 strategies that have worked for us and might work for you too.

Just so things are clear:

MoMs- Man of Mans, Nadine's partner and co-parent

Green Bean (or "The Bean")- Nadine's child

#1 Masturbate – it’s okay.

No really. It is! I admit that sometimes I feel a little weird about it. I mean, here I have a perfectly sexypants partner within touching distance and here I am going to town on myself. But here’s my deal. Sometimes libido is about the desire to connect with my husband in an intimate and naked way. But sometimes it’s because my nethers are aflame and about to burst out of my pantaloons! Meanwhile, it’s midnight on a day that started at 5 a.m. and the only propect that excites The MoMs is a big fluffy pillow. Yes I could try to goad him into sleepy, grudging sex, but there are times when it’s easier and ultimately everyone will be happier if I rub one out and hit the sack.

A quick note to sleepy partners everywhere. Sleep is important, so if your body’s asking for it, that’s what you should do. But if you’re up for it, maybe pop open your PJs to expose your lover’s favorite naughty bit before you nod off. A little masturbatory inspiration goes a long way!

#2 Express it. Don’t expect it.

As a working parent, some days get very, very busy and I become very, very overwhelmed. By the time The Bean is tucked away for the night and the last item on my to-do list is crossed off, I barely feel human, let alone like a human with functioning sex parts. By now, The Man of Mans has a keen sense of when “do not enter” vibes are emanating from my vagina. But he says awesome stuff like, “I know you’re not for sex right now and that’s cool. I just want you to know that you give me the feelings.”

I’ve run myself ragged and to the world-at-large I have all the sex appeal of a mop. But a partner who’s still warm for my form and chill about letting me veg out while watching, "So You Think You Can Dance"? That’s hot!

#3 Non-sexual touching

You know those obnoxious snuggly couples who hold hands all the time and sit on each other’s laps? You need to cut them some slack, jack – especially if they have kids!

Physical contact promotes intimacy, affection, trust and all kinds of positive feelings. Those good feelings help counter some of the less wonderful side-effects of parenting, which may include confusion, guilt, frustration, worry, shock and more frustration. Believe me – that icky, schmoopy cuddly stuff is the glue that's holding my relationship together!

#4 Porn

Sometimes if The MoMs has gone a while without sex, I’ll decide enough is enough! Being a mother and being a sexually viable human being are not mutually exclusive and tonight I’m gonna get me some! But sometimes, even when my mind is willing, my body is weaksauce and I can’t quite jump start my arousal. And yes there’s the whole lovely candles, wine, gentle kisses, blah, blah, romance novel seduction, but The MoMs and I have to get up early and get The Green Bean off to school. Also, I’m clumsy and likely to knock over the candles, thus burning the house down.

Porn is a quick, reliable way to get turned on. Watching my favorite scene from Debbie Does Dallas makes Nadine want the sex now. Not everyone is comfortable with porn, which is cool. But for those parents that don’t oppose the injection of a little erotica, remember that in addition to film, there are novels, short stories, comics and I think you can get porn on the Internet now too.

#5 Lube and toys

Sex toys aren't just for dirty people! Similar to porn, a good slick lube and reliable sex toys are both excellent tools for the busy parent who needs a quick and efficient orgasm. Like many people, I keep my collection of lube and battery-powered sex-ccessories in the nightstand. This makes for easy night time access and quick, convenient clean-up once the deed is done. As the parent of a young child, I only have about 90 seconds before the post-coital sedation renders me unconscious. I don’t want The Green Bean to come in and find my Liv lying around the bedroom the next morning. I’m not ready to field those questions yet.



This is a guest post by Nadine Thornhill. Nadine is a sexual health educator, playwright, poet, burlesque performer, partner and parent living in Ottawa, Ontario. The plays and poetry she creates tend toward subjects such as clitorises, vibrators and non-monogamy.

She enjoys candy, fashion and dreck television. She does not care for pants. Find her on Twitter @NadineThornhill. She also blogs on the Adorkable Undies. Find her blog on Facebook and Pinterest.

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Lube 101: Wetter is Better

Our bodies are perfectly capable of providing us the tools for awesome sex. However, sometimes our bodies' natural lubricants just don't make for awesome intercourse in a pinch. (Think of the long, drawn out foreplay needed to get really wet, ladies.) As Megan Andelloux, the Founder and Director of the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health, said in, "It's easy to have not enough lube and harder to have too much". In this article, Dr. Megan Stubbs offers useful advice on kinds of lubricants, how to use them best and tips on finding the right lube for you.

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It’s time, once and for all, to finally dispel the myth that lube is only for older women! Sorry Superbad, but Evan was right to be packing some lube for his sexual adventure with Becca.

Biologically, we naturally lubricate when we are sexually aroused. The lubrication produced helps facilitate sexual intercourse by reducing friction between the vagina and penis. But we don’t only have PV sex, and not all of us are having sex just to procreate. We engage in all kinds of sexual activities and most of the time our natural lubrication can’t keep up with the duration of our sex sessions. The use of lube is NOT a sign that you aren’t turned on enough or a cop out. Lube is a great staple to include in your solo and partnered sex life.

Like the colors of the rainbow, lube comes in many different varieties. Lubes can be water, silicone, or oil based - each with their benefits. Some things to keep in mind while lube shopping:

Flavored lubes, usually water based, are great for oral sex although I would caution you to try them before you buy them. You don’t want it to taste like cough medicine, unless that is your thing. You can usually find small sample sized packs of lube, flavored and regular, in stores. Think of it like bulk candy, buy a bunch and see which ones you like!

I would not recommend pairing oil based lubes with latex condoms because it can compromise the latex leading to breakage. Not good. Use water or silicone based lubrication instead.

Silicone lube is great for extended play and anal because it won’t dry out as quickly as water based lubricant.   The taste, however,  can be unpleasant and clean up can be a little more involved. It is latex friendly but do not pair it up with a silicone sex toy. The two together will cause your toy to disintegrate and become sticky and no one likes a sticky dildo.

Some lubes are touted as “anal specific” because they contain the numbing chemical benzocaine.  I do NOT recommend the use of these and you shouldn't want these kinds of lubrication. You need to know when something is hurting and being numb in the rear region can lead to injuries.  Plus sex is about pleasure.  I doubt using a numbing agent is anything close to an ideal sexual encounter.

New to the market are organic and natural lubes, and no, these aren’t just for tree-huggers and hippies. These lubes are great if you have chemical sensitivities to paraben or glycerin. They are also good if you are prone to yeast infections because of the sugars in regular lube. And for the animal lovers, they now make vegan lube too.

So next time you’re about to get down, reach for some lube. Whether it is a solo or partnered session, make sure you are adequately lubricated. Put a few drops inside of the condom before you put it on your partner for added sensation for them or try some warming lube to keep things hot. If you’re feeling a little dry its ok to stop and add some more lube to the party. The possibilities are endless. Find out what works for you, and when it comes to sex, everything is OK here.

Cross-posted with permission from SexologistMegan.

Dr. Megan Stubbs is a Grand Rapids-based Sexologist. She holds a doctor of education in Human Sexuality from San Francisco’s Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a degree in Biology from Grand Valley State University. She also Board Certified by the American College of Sexologists (ACS).

Dr. Megan is a firm believer that knowledge is power and that comprehensive sex education is not only valuable to budding teens, but to all of society. This Sexologist strives to break down the societal norms that sex is still a taboo subject and wants to normalize the conversation. She wants to empower everyone into taking control and respecting their sexuality. Megan is monthly contributor to the number one night-time radio show in West Michigan, Holmes and the Freakshow on 104.5 WSNX and also appears bi-weekly on a morning talk show, Take Five & Company on WZZM 13. Follow her on Twitter @sexologistmegan and 'Like' Megan on Facebook.

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How Do I Give My Lady Better Butt Love?

Back in anal August, we talked a lot about butt sex. Regardless, anal sex questions remain. And, of course, here at GetLusty, we don't like to leave questions unanswered, so we had to get to the bottom of this issue. It's time. Down with bad butt sex. Maybe we're just feeling like super activists on the way to our SlutWalk Chicago Flash Dance Mob event this Saturday.

Either way, you might also have questions about giving your lovely lady partner butt love. Dr. Jenn is here to help. This is a guest post from Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus, PH.D. Dr. Jenn is a sexuality and mindfulness speaker, as well as relationship and intimacy counselor.

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Dear Dr. Jenn & GetLusty,

I think it’s hot to put a finger in a girl’s butt when we are having sex "doggy style." But it doesn’t always work and sometimes my girlfriend says it hurts. What can I do about this? How can I please my girlfriend better?

Thanks,
Wannabe Anal Master

Dear Anal Master,

Anal play has become more and more popular, so thanks for your great question. First, make sure your partner is interested in experimenting with anal play. If she’s not into it, she’s going to have a hell of a time relaxing, and will likely experience pain. I don’t advise trying to ‘sneak it in’ without explicitly asking permission.

If you’re both on the same page about this, then you’re embarking into a realm of heightened pleasure. A short anatomy lesson can be helpful here.

To enter the anus, you have to pass through two sets of anal sphincter muscles. The first set are voluntary muscles, which is why relaxation on the woman’s part is important.

She can put her attention on that external muscle area, and choose to relax those muscles. However, the second ring of muscles is a different story. These internal muscles are involuntary, which means you can’t think your way into releasing them. However, they do respond to gentle, direct pressure.

From your side, Anal Master, knowing how to navigate these muscle rings is important. Playing around the outside of the anus with a well-lubed finger can help the woman concentrate on that area and relax the first sphincter muscles.

Then, gently pressing on the anus for several seconds will release the second set of muscles and allow access inside. For some women who are tense and nervous about this, it may take more time.

Remember to start small, slow, and with a lot of lubricant (particularly a thicker lube made specifically for anal play). With a little preparation, patience, and knowledge, you can definitely become the Anal Master.

Be well,
Dr. Jenn

This Q & A was originally posted over at her blog, Dr. Jenn's Den.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, is a sociologist, sexuality speaker, and sex therapist, with a passion for challenging people to sexually think outside the box. 

Dr. Jenn is a public speaker on topics including healthy relationships, love, gender, mindfulness, erotic play, and happiness. She counsels individuals and couples, in person and over Skype, to assist in creating and maintaining open communication and fulfilling intimacy. Dr. Jenn is a contributing writer for Pacific San Diego Magazine and is a sex and relationship expert on Fox 5 news and San Diego Living. Follow her on Twitter @DrJennsDen and Facebook.

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