Gents! 5 Tips to Being Sexually Dominant

Has your partner asked for more domination in the bedroom? What better holiday gift than one of dominance? Now, if you're not sure whether this is exactly what your partner wants, do ask them – keep a constant and open communication.

With that, we've heard from ladies who want a dominant partner. We've heard from gents who want to be dominant, but they're afraid to hurt their partner. We get that. How lovely and nice of you. You should be proud that you're such a nice guy. No, seriously. But for now – if you've heard your partner ask you to dominate them, Portia Blush, our queen of dominance, has some ideas on how you can do just that.

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Being sexually dominated in the bedroom, although not a new fantasy by any means, is becoming less closeted. It's a more openly encouraged, erotic fantasy among women (think: Fifty Shades). More women are feeling safer about speaking out about their desire to dominated in the bedroom.

Maybe it's the popularity of books like Fifty Shades of Grey that are finally helping us feel comfortable and accepting of our own desires. Or maybe it's the readily accessible nature of sex-positive information on the internet. Whatever it is, we're asking for what we want. And what do we want? Well, it seems a lot of us want our partner to take sexual control of us!

Whether your girlfriend or wife just got finished reading Fifty Shades, or if it's been a long-time fantasy of hers, perhaps she has asked you to take the lead and be dominant in the bedroom. Now what?

Bringing this fantasy into fruition can be somewhat daunting, especially if you have no idea where to start. Here are 5 tips for learning how to be that dominant man your partner is lusting for!

#1 Talk, talk, and more talk

I know, you're probably thinking that talking things out will ruin the fantasy for her, but that is so not the case. You have to find out just what makes the fantasy so erotic for her for it to be effective. Communication is key to lubrication, I like to say! Is it just rougher, more animalistic sexual aggression she wants from you? Does she want to be tied up? Spanked over your knee? To be ordered about like a sex slave? Ask her what she finds erotic about being dominated by you, and you'll have the frame work you need to enjoy a whole new sexual adventure together!

#2 Feeling nervous? Try role play


It can be hard at first to try something new, or doesn't come naturally. You may have some reservations, or some inhibitions of your own, and find it difficult to trust your own instincts.

One of the best ways to help yourself through this is role-playing! Pretending to be someone else can help free you from the tape in your head that says, "I must be this way," and can allow you to let go and try something new. Be the Christian Grey she wants and she can be Anastasia. Be the teacher and she's the student, or maybe the cop, and she's the naughty law breaker! As En Vogue sang, "Free your mind, and the rest will follow."

#3 It's a two-way street

You have fantasies and desires too, as well as needs to be met just as your lovely lady wishing to submit does. Maybe there's something you want her to do for you. Perhaps you have wanted her to give you head in a specific way, or maybe you've thought about what it would be like to bend her over the dining room table and have your way with her from behind. Blending your desires with your lover's, in a harmonious way, will bring a symphony of erotic pleasure and fulfillment for the both of you. Power exchange is a dynamic in which we exchange power by giving our will to another, and that  can be a very sexy experience.

#4 Use your imagination

It’s very easy to get caught in the trappings of toys like ropes, paddles, and riding crops, and forget about the mental and emotional aspects of dominance and submission. Flex your mental muscles and use your imagination. Create an aura of dominance using just the way you move, speak (or don’t speak), and act. Look to characters from books and movies that you see as "dominant", or ask your partner who she thinks makes an incredibly sexy dominant male character! Find what inspires those feelings naturally in you, and make the role your own.

#5 Everyone loves toys

OK, so your partner really wants you to spank or paddle her – don't worry about spending a fortune on expensive toys right from the get-go. You don't need high-priced toys to have a good time. For spankings, everyone likes a god ole' fashioned, over-the-knee, bare-hand spanking. If you want to play around with different sensations, try the back side of a hairbrush, or a spatula! For more on spanking, check out Spanking 101.

No need to buy fancy restraints if you want to play with bondage! You can buy basic rope at your local hardware store or home improvement store, or try using silky scarves, too! You an also buy "bondage tape" for low-cost, which is a PVC tape that adheres to itself. It's cheap, easy to remove, and disposable too! Look around the home for potential tools – neck ties, scarves, and belts. Really, your imagination is the best toy you have, so play around and experiment! Most of all, have fun!

This is all a very basic starting point to begin your journey with. The best resource you have to discover your erotic map in playing with dominance and submission is each other. Find out what you both like, and what you'd like to try, and have fun discovering together. The possibilities are endless!

For questions on sexual dominance or submission, feel free to contact Portia via her blog! Also, e-mail reply@getlusty.com.

Seeking to shatter the myth that "nice girls don't talk about sex", and somehow trying to survive her mid-30's in suburbia without large doses of vodka, Portia Blush is a saucy Sapiosexual who shares with an infectious wit and a candid vulnerability about her explorations of sex, love, intimacy, kink, the occasional obsession, and everything in between; one true story at a time.

She has over 10 years experience playing Switchy in the BD/SM scene, and has explored a myriad of relationship configurations from monogamous to poly. She holds a BFA from some hoity-toity NYC art school, and still ponders the meaning of life on a regular basis. Follow her on Twitter @erogenousblog and Facebook and of course, ErogenoUS her blog.

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5 Must Try Holiday-Inspired Sex Experiences

It's the holidays. And what better time for some seasonally-inspired role play? Yes! For some reason Christmas seems like one the sexier holidays. Something about it, right? It just offers so much potential. We thought of some ideas. Then we asked our naughty wife correspondent, Marian Sanchez, to elaborate. And with a happy hand, Marian obliged! Curious on some ideas to spice up the holiday season with some kink ideas? What better time than Freaky Friday? Marian offers up 5 steamy ideas for a lusty Christmas.

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'Tis the season to break out of the familiar routine and add some holiday festivities to your sex life. This article is for those curious in pushing their sexual boundaries with their spouse or significant other. The most important thing in getting what you want (for the holidays) or any other time is making time to sit and talk with your loved one. Understanding comfort levels is paramount when it comes to more adventurous sex. Now with all that said, here are five of my Christmas sex experiences you should try.

#1 Wrap Him Up in a Big Red Bow

This holiday season take (or make) present wrapping to a whole new level with some white-hot bondage. Things don't have to get complicated in order for you both to enjoy the new experience. Using everyday wardrobe items (scarves, neck ties and so forth) or pleasure cuffs. (Rope for the real bondage experience, satin ribbon for a romantic take on being held captive by your lover.)

Bondage is simply the art and craft of using restraints against the one being submissive. The dominating partner takes charge in all the sexual situations. So for those of you interested in a role change in the bedroom, holding your hubby captive is a great way to start any evening's escapades. Unsure where or how to begin? Just imagine surprising your hubby after he got home from a long day, finding you dressed in beautiful lingerie.

Once he catches sight of you disappearing from his line of sight with that look in your eye, he will follow you where ever you go. Sit him down in a chair, tie his hands behind his back, and his ankles to the legs of the chair. Or you can make him lay in the bed and cuff his arms to the headboard. Now he is all bound up and at your mercy. This is your time to tease, taunt, and make him yours all night long.

#2 The More the Merrier

Lets say you two are an open-minded adventurous couple that always plays well with others. Why not invite another person to your XXXmas party? Maybe your wife wants to experience being with another woman? Or maybe the boyfriend wants a second couple in the bedroom to play girlfriend swap? Want to give a super sexy gift? Give the gift of you and your sexy playmate, in little red bow panties to your boyfriend or husband this year! Not only will you feel like you are on the set of your very own porn, but fantasies will be made real! This is one experience the two of you will never forget.

#3 Run Away to a Winter Wonderland

For some people the holidays run you down and you get a little stifled in the usual holiday routine – visiting family, seeing friends, buying gifts and so forth. Well, why not get away this year! (It's not too late) If you both feel a little rusty, a long romantic weekend will do wonders for you both. You could run away to a nice hotel or cabin in a snowy destination.

The main focus here is spending time with your loved ones and understanding the need for a change of scenery. While you are away from home, this would be the time to let go of inhibitions and reconnecting as a couple. Give a sexy gift and incorporate a new toy, or take your sexual act outside into a hot tub and don't be timid with your voice.

#4 Holiday Hanky-Panky

Did you get invited to a holiday party? Is the after dinner conversation in the living room getting humdrum while your drink gets warm? Do you feel the impulse of trying something a little risque? Excuse yourself and take your partner away for a rendezvous in the guest bathroom. Yes you read that right. Go make that holiday cheer!

The truth is, great sex comes from spontaneity and when it comes to the holidays, they are notorious for zapping your energy. I know your thinking, "I might be too tired" or "What if I get caught?" Having sex when you least anticipate it often the most exciting. Also, there is risk in everything you do, but the outcome is worth it, especially if you need to reconnect with your partner.

#5 I caught Santa Sleighing Mrs. Claus 
 

Santa knows you've been a good boy/girl this year and he's got the tape to prove it. I know plenty of couples who were hesitant about making a sex tape but there is an upside to doing something so taboo. It's a very sensual experience! Sex is and always will be an amazing expression and the way I see it, filming yourselves together is like taking a picture of an extraordinary scene during your everyday life. You are going to have those moments forever.

Want to give your sex tape a holiday infusion? Dress up in a red negligee and give your partner a Santa hat and robe. Then, using euphemisms to describe him and his cock, begin to "unwrap" the best present of all. Get ready Mrs. Claus, Santa's about ready to come down your chimney tonight.

This holiday season, sex is the gift that keeps on giving. If you have other XXXmas inspired ideas, please share them in the comments below.

This article was fashioned by GetLusty writer Marian Sanchez. Marian has many passions, writing being the oldest for her. When she isn't working on articles for GetLusty, she's with her amazing family and her five-cat herd. She enjoys all kinds of movies and TV, spending time with wonderful friends, going to Chicago metal shows and finding humor in everyday life. She has a horrible habit of wanting to learn all kinds of new things and going to different places. When it comes to sex, Marian has a raunchy good mouth and an open mind (which pleases her husband immensely).

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9 Must Haves for Thanksgiving Weekend Marathon Sex

This entire week is all about overdoing it. So how about having some marathon sex!? GetLusty sex geek Bethany Kibblesmith is here to talk about marathon sex with all your extra free time you'll likely acquire over this holiday season. Disclaimer: If you're feeling woozy, please stop. Drink some water. Always consult your physician before starting a new diet or exercise program. Don't do something silly and sue GetLusty. Marathon sex can be fatal (no, seriously), so please listen to your bodies.

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There has never been a better time to try marathon sex. What do I mean by marathon sex? What we're talking about is a sex session that lasts for between 2-8 hours. Sex broken up with little breaks? Yes. Foreplay, sex, tantra and general pleasure throughout this period. Yup, that's marathon sex.

To those bold enough to have embarked on a carnal marathon or two, this may seem like a whole lot of common sense with a few surprises. It is. To others, it might strike as a practical list for the naughty, if not irritatingly elusive, urban sex safari. It’s that too. And to those who’ve never considered giving over an entire day to fornication... Well, I hope after reading you’ll reconsider!

How to make marathon sex amazong. 

#1 Time, Time, Time

You thought you could get away with just having marathon sex and skipping the sex marathon? Nope. This list is for serious contenders. You’ll need at least 24 hours. Uninterrupted. I know it’s a lot to ask, but for the fullest, most transformational, and pleasantly exhausting experience, you’ll need to:

• Commit to no outside obligations for the day. I mean none. The UPS guy will come back tomorrow. Remember: You’re trying to cast a spell here.
• If you have them, shunt the kids off for a day-n-night. Fib innocently about your plans.
• Turn off your phones. Off. Not vibrate.
• No computers or televisions either. Unless you’re exploring mutually beneficial porn. Or having a little movie break (gun for something at least a touch hot-blooded) to catch your breath and replenish your reserves. Avoid the news. And sports. Unless it's fetish territory for both of you.

#2 Supplies

In short, be prepared. Imagine what you would need to camp for a weekend. Then spice it up and subtract the tent. Or don’t. It could be fun pretending you’re shagging under the stars, even if you’re just rolling around on carpet instead of moaning into the wilderness.

If you’ve found yourselves in a hotel due to domestic circumstance, enviable privilege, or a rare splurge, you may have to prepare both a bit more and a bit less, i.e., interruptions for room service are not as jarring as a call from a bellyaching co-worker, but forgetting a goodly supply of lube could be tragic away from home.

So, without further ado, here’s the supplies you and your lover should gather prior:

#3 Food

Seem silly? It won’t after you’ve done it for the umpteenth time and desperately need to get your strength back up. However: stay away from lots of fats and carbs. They’ll make you sluggish. What you need are natural sugars and hydrating foods (berries, bananas, avocados, melons). Things that are easy to digest. Sexy foods: chocolate, oysters, almonds (a symbol of fertility), fancy cheeses. You get the picture.

#4 Water and potent potables

Lots and lots (and lots) of water. Especially if you’re indulging in alcohol. I’m not suggesting you get totally wasted (and I am suggesting you be with someone you trust implicitly). However, if you do imbibe, a nice buzz will lower inhibitions and get the ball rolling. Need I remind you champagne is the drink of lovers, of celebrations? Why not try one of the purported aphrodisiacal drinks: white rum, white port, green chartreuse, the notorious absinthe?

But: drink that water! Nothing can halt your marathon like a pounding headache, a mini-hangover, or dehydration down there. Plus, if you’re doing it right, you’re gonna be thirsty.

It also wouldn’t hurt to restock your coffee supply or have an energy drink or two knocking around the refrigerator. There are tons of natural energy drinks these days, if you’re looking to avoid the artificial sweetener/chemical swill trap. Look for those chock full of marathon boosters: ginseng, B-vitamins, yerba mate, zinc.

#5 Shelter

Whether you’re in an apartment, your house, a hotel, motel, or even a RV, this is your sacred space for the next 24 hours. Lock the doors. Draw the shades. And...tidy. Seriously. Hopefully you won’t have to do this if you’ve sprung for a home away from home, but in your own digs, cleanliness - or at least the rousing illusion of it - is key. I'm not saying break out the mop and rubber gloves (unless that turns you on) and commence a top-to-bottom clean-a-thon. That can be a stressor in itself!

Though washing the dishes may not sound very sexy, it can be! Doing it pre-marathon can assure the fullest possible relaxation when you get down to business. Ditto to fresh sheets, clean towels, sweet-smelling lounge wear, unsullied lingerie. Don't relax too much yet, though; there's more.

While the following supplies/atmospherics aren’t intrinsic to your marathon, some of you will find they go far in enhancing the vibe of your mini-den of iniquity. They may also aid in planting certain sultry seeds that bear fruit down the line.

#6 Mood Lighting

This could be the perfect opportunity to surprise install that dimmer you’ve been talking about for months. Or stick a couple pink bulbs in the lamps. Now is the perfect time to pull out all your candles! I know they follow mood lighting, but here’s your opportunity to play with scent. Try erotic scents like jasmine and patchouli (there’s a reason it was once popular), or romantic ones like rose.

#7 Bubble bath and snazzy soaps

The bathroom is an excellent place to feel wonderful! These could well enhance your experience of cleaning yourselves (much more on that in the next installment!) or each other. Plus, slipping against one another in a frothy bath can be both relaxing and stimulating.

#8 Outfits

You likely have a few items. Anything that makes you feel sexy--inside and out. Picking out a few striking, smutty, or downright sexy ensembles beforehand. And more intricate garb if you’re going to indulge in role play. It can prevent killing the mood by fumbling through drawers, or squinting in the dimness of your brand new mood lighting.

#9 Music

Why not spend an afternoon before your marathon making a playlist of the tunes that get your blood pumping? What kind of music makes you want to move that way? What sort has that effect on your partner? It’ll also work double-time to get both of you excited for the upcoming event.

Since this is becoming a marathon article (fitting), stay tuned for the next installment where we’ll deal with #3-#7: hygiene, variety, mid-marathon fatigue, absolutely essential supplies and troubleshooting. In the meantime, gather the goods and circle a date on the calendar!

This is a post by Bethany Kibblesmith. She's passionate about keeping it sexy inside and outside the bedroom in her own relationship and in yours.

Bethany is twenty-two and an English major. When she isn't scrambling finish homework, she's with her boyfriend, reading, doing yoga or cooking. She enjoys the finer things in life like, secondhand clothes, warm showers, and socks without holes. She writes plays when she isn't writing for school of GetLusty. And if you meet her she will, without question, make a sex joke at some point. Email her at Editorial@GetLusty.com if you have any questions!

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3 Ways to Be Freakier this #FreakyFriday

It's #FreakyFriday ladies and gents and we want your weekends to be full of adventurous and freaky sex!

To kick off Freaky Friday, why not step outside of your comfort zone and break out of your weeknight sex routine!

We have three ways to help you become a little freakier on this chilly Naked November evening. So go ahead, close your blinds and read on for some adventurous and thrilling sexcapade ideas--because it's time to let loose and let go of your stressful week! GetLusty's Lora Swarts reports.

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#1 Experiment with BDSM or role play

If you are super new to the world of BDSM or role play, first check out these articles: Sexual Role Play 101 for Couples and 6 Tips for Getting Started with BDSM. Dressing up, using handcuffs, and acting like someone else is absolutely hot and exciting. What is freakier than pretending you are a naughty student and your partner is the stern principal? Or have you ever thought of spanking your partner or tying them up?

Getting into BDSM and role play can be a huge release from the real world and any work obligations or stresses you have faced all week long. It's time to now have fun and freaky this Friday! Just remember, be safe and use those safe words!


#2 Videotape yourself

It may sound cheesy or from the 90's, but videotaping yourself is totally freaky and hot! There isn't anything hotter and more scandalous than hearing yourself moan, groan and orgasm!

Keep the videotape for your eyes only so you can watch yourselves as a means of future foreplay or when you are apart and can't be together. If you feel like making your own porn isn't quite your cup of tea yet, try watching porn together. We have a list of 30 great feminist porn websites or visit LadyCheeky for erotica and sensual images!

Just remember, have fun with videotaping yourselves and only provide constructive criticism after viewing. One can be very vulnerable videotaping yourself and no one wants to receive negative criticism on something so intimate as this.

#3 Mutual masturbation

"I'll show you mine, if you show me yours" has never rang truer before. Mutual masturbation is the ultimate in freakiness and perfect form of foreplay. Why not show your lover that you are comfortable with your body and with your sexuality that you are willing to experience this intimate act together?

When you watch your man masturbate, you learn exactly what he loves in a handjob. When you finger yourself and play with your clitoris, you show him just how to maneuver down there! Its a win-win situation and learning opportunity for all parties involved! Plus, after you play with yourselves, you can move onto oral sex or whatever you desire! Just remember while you are masturbating yourself, give your partner a show! Be extra loud, keep eye contact and role play during and even prolong your orgasm!

Lora is our Editorial Intern and resident health nut! When she isn't writing or editing, you can find her on her yoga mat, exploring Chicago via bicycle, or hanging out with her wonderful boyfriend in their north side apartment. She has a dangerous habit of spending too much money on soy lattes and yoga clothes. Find her on Twitter @HoneyNutLo or email her at Lora@GetLusty.com if you have any questions!

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