Swinging 101: What Is Swinging, Anyway? (NSFW)

We've talked about polyswinging, polyamory and even a story by Life on the Swingset's Technogeisha on swinging. Time to delve into the mysterious world of swinging, people. We've talked about Polyamory in the past, but now it's time for some good ol' fashion swinging! What's the difference? Save that for another article. For now, lets just define the term. GetLusty's Jason Estrada reports.

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What is it?

Swinging is a non-monogamous relationship in which committed partners have recreational sex with others. Some swingers would even call it a social activity. Some couples have bridge night, some swap out their partner for a complete stranger.

Nobody can really say when it all started, but swinging started to spread in the '50s when the only way to meet other swingers was through personal ads in the paper. Swinging really became popular during the sexual revolution back in the '60s. With the emergence of the contraceptive pill, an upsurge in sexual activity swept the nation. Another incentive was the discovery of many treatments for sexually transmitted diseases.

In the past, swinging was known as "wife-swapping", a term criticized for its androcentric tone. Today, swinging is more of a feminist life-style. Woman are in control for most of the swinging community, and is the common rule of swinger clubs.

Swinging has many different levels for a large variety of personalities and fetishes. A typical couple who is exploring the life-style starts small, inviting one person for a sexual encounter. Many stay at this level. Some don't even want to join in. Often husband just wants to watch his wife enjoy another person, or vice versa.

Beyond threesomes, swingers will swap with another couple entirely. There are full swaps; when a swapped couple includes intercourse, and there are soft swaps; when the swap action is limited to oral sex. Girl on girl is where the women play, but have no contact with the male partner.

An article published in USA Today stated that there are about 3 million swingers in the United States while Todd Claxton, the owner of love voodoo.com estimates the there are actually closer to 9 million. For "correct" swinging education and information, you might want to check out the North American Swing Club Association (NASCA).

Why swing?

Most couples get into swinging because they're sexually bored and want to spice things up a bit. You learn a lot about your individual sexual interests when you're not confined to "normal" restricted sex.

Maybe this unique community knows something others don't. A happy couple who can fuck other people without jealousy must have a strong relationship. Probably stronger than the average couple who start bickering in the middle of Ikea because she thought her husband was staring at the cashier's ass. Swinging requires a heightened level of trust, honesty, and commitment that most couples can't achieve. There's nothing wrong with that. If the thought of another woman's hands on your man's body infuriates you, then don't swing.

For some, standing by and watching someone else ravish the hell out of your partner is deeply satisfying. There's a large fetish community out there of "watchers", people who get turned on by observing their partners in a sexual act with others. There are a plethora of porn sites dedicated to this singular fetish. The swinging community is a great place for bi-curious women and men to explore their uncertain sexuality. Many bi-curious people don't feel comfortable with, or welcome in gay/lesbian communities.

How to swing

It might not seem too trivial, right? Just go and have sex with strangers - easy. Well, if you are in a loving and committed relationship, then there's all kinds of things you need to consider. Jealousy is the big issue here. Talk with your partner about some ground rules for each other. Setting limitations is probably the most important concern to cover. Some swingers don't kiss their swinging partner on the mouth - the "Pretty Woman Rule" (it's not really called that). Decide if there are any sexual acts that might be going too far for the other. Sometimes it's nothing sexual, but an emotional act. Like the kissing thing. If you catch your husband chatting on Facebook with the woman from last weekends swap, you might be a tad upset.

Incognito

To help build a gab between your regular life and your swinger life, remain anonymous. Many swingers create fake personas for themselves. You don't have to tell those you are swinging with your real name. Hell, you don't have to tell them any name. This will also discourage any emotional attachments to the people you fuck.

On the web

This isn't difficult. Nothing is difficult anymore with the internet around. How did we survive without it? Anyway, there are so many websites for the swinger community, it's ridiculous. I already mentioned voodoo.com earlier, where couples can find other couples and/or singles. Here a just a few swinger websites: AdultFriendFinder.com, AdultXXXdate.com, Passion.com, XMatch.com.

Appropriate behavior

Alright, lets say that you've decided to try it. Make sure you're doing it right, people. If you find yourself in a swinging situation, remember that your partner is who showed up with, so you better be going home with hime when it's over. Practice logical caution when choosing your sexual partners. Chat with them over the phone, then maybe a casual drink to get to know them, and if you dig 'em, plan an intimate encounter. Don't ask other couples a lot of personal questions. Many couples like to keep their swinging apart from their regular lives. If they don't offer their name or occupation, don't ask. Keep strong communication between yourself and your partner. Stay aware of their comfort level.

Laides, you are in control when it comes to events, like swinger parties and clubs. No matter what the situation, you have the right to say no. Be sure you are in a safe environment where the other swingers involved are respectful and acknowledge your right to say 'no'.

My final thought. I'm always coming across articles and comments about men asking how to get their wives into swinging. These guys always sound like they're trying to force their wives into the lifestyle. If you're partner has no interest in swinging, then she/he probably never will. Forcing someone into swinging is one of the best ways to destroy a healthy relationship. Just ask her or him. "Hey, what do ya think about swinging?" That isn't hard, is it? Communicate and respect your partner.


Jason Estrada is currently working on his master's for creative writing, in the hopes of becoming a very rich screenwriter some day. His other interests include photography, cinematography, and video editing. His favorite book is The Great Gatsby. Favorite movie is either The Crow or When Harry Met Sally - can't decide. And his all time favorite show is Doctor Who.

When he's not enjoying any of those things, you can find him at home, drinking and smoking way too much while listening to VNV Nation. Connect with him via email at jason@getlusty.com or subscribe via Facebook.

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Ready for Swinging? A Story of My First Encounter

Swingers, are couples that engage in sexual activity with others without having a relationship come out of it. Since we have touched on the topic of polyamory in depth, we felt it was time to give swinging some love on GetLusty. Technogeisha, is very knowledgeable about swinging and open relationships. Here is her account on her first encounter with with another swinging couple and how it changed her relationship for the better.

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I’m what you might call a late bloomer. Not that we haven’t tried to go down the road towards non-monogamy before, we just never really got to our destination. We spent lots of time trying to get directions then making wrong turns followed by an extended stay at a rest stop to start a family. Years later we needed to figure out where the passion had gone. Sex is Fun led us to Life on the Swingset and the idea of trying to open up again. A lot of work went into this. It’s not a fun story so I’ll save it for another time. Instead we’ll start here with our first date as we became a swinging couple.

We joined Kasidie (a network of mainly swingers) mostly to find a local community. We never expected to have someone approach us. At least not so quickly! So our first flirt caught us by surprise. We decided to face our fear and respond. We got a good vibe from them and within a week we had scheduled a date. Turns out we were both newbies. We agreed to meet for dinner, lots of drinks, lots of conversation and perhaps a hotel afterward. They were honest and direct. They were only interested in same room sex, no swap. Worked fine for us since this would be our first time ever with another couple. We felt really good about the upcoming date and really looked forward to it.

The day of our date had events scheduled back to back with very little wiggle room. I arrived home at 6pm to find the babysitter, who was supposed to be there at 6pm, had not arrived yet. I lost track of time as I rushed to get ready. I put on sheer lace lingerie and garter like stockings. I covered all that with a clingy wrap dress. Looking at myself in the mirror, I realized I hadn’t felt this good about myself in a long time. It was after I emerged ready for the evening that I realized something was missing. No babysitter and it was already 6:30pm. A phone call revealed she was stuck at a school event that was way behind schedule. She had never been late before and she felt terrible about it.

We now had to call the couple. They were very understanding about the situation. They agreed to wait. 7:00pm passed, then 7:30pm passed. Each time we called the couple to update them. At 8:03pm the sitter finally called to say she was on her way. 8:30pm we were still home and trying to get the kids to go to bed. This was when our youngest had a total meltdown because the sitter wasn’t there. We calmed him down then "H" (husband) put both kids to bed. I waited on the couch, with my coat on, wondering why this entire evening was going to hell in hand basket. "H" found me just sitting there getting a little teary eyed and tried to cheer me up. The night wasn’t over, they were still there waiting and if all else failed we would find something fun to do for the evening. At 8:45, the doorbell finally rang. We said a hasty goodbye to the sitter and rushed out. We arrived at the restaurant two hours late. To our amazement, they were still there.

We made our apologies then started to get to know each other. They were wonderfully relaxed and talked openly about everything. We shared details about why we decided to open our marriage and what was in the future. They liked us and wanted to move forward. We agreed to go to the hotel. Yep, this was really happening.

Once in the room, each couple paired off. I don’t want to give away all that transpired that evening. Let’s just say it was all we had hoped and more. We didn’t stay separate for long yet we never fully swapped. I did a few things I had never done before which included playing with a woman for the very first time. We lay in exhausted bliss on the bed afterwards. Unfortunately, our sitter time was up so we had to go.

We all hugged goodbye in the parking lot and she told me to call when we figured out our schedule. We got in the car and felt like the evening had been a great success.

We had a long discussion about it at home. Then husband said it would take a while to process what happened mostly because things progressed so quickly. I made sure to remind him he could stop things or ask for things at any time. He assured me he would when felt he needed to. He made sure I was fine too. We both went to bed content with the evening and looking forward to future experiences.

I woke up the next morning quite possibly the happiest I had been in ages. One thing’s for sure, I never would have gotten here without Cooper and Life on the Swing Set. It’s a satisfying feeling to have finally, officially, climbed aboard.

Originally posted at Life on the Swing Set.

Technogeisha loves to use her passion for writing and research to learn more about open relationships and sexuality. She looks forward to sharing her discoveries with all of you. She writes for Life on the Swing Set and contributes to Sexis Social at Eden Fantasys and other sites. Find her on Facebook as Miko Technogeisha and on Twitter as @Technogeisha.

You have read this article advice / better sex / Communication / emotional / for couples / for men / for women / foreplay / intimacy / marriage / stronger relationship / swinging / Technogeisha with the title swinging. You can bookmark this page URL https://lamentoeternal.blogspot.com/2012/10/ready-for-swinging-story-of-my-first.html. Thanks!

What I Learned Through Polyswinging

At GetLusty, we're monogamous. We believe monogamous is best for most relationships. Why? Mostly because many of us don't have the time, energy or lack of jealously to open the relationship up. However, we're open minded thinkers and encourage you to consider the possibilities. As long as everything is consensual and involves amazing sex, it's good. Technogeisha reports.

For the newbies! Definitions: To define what's a polyamorous and what's a swinging relationship? Polyamory is the kind of relationship either where partners date others consensually or when a couple involves 3 or more people, all living together. Swinging is when couples engage in sexual activity with others. Usually there's no relationship attached.

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Recently, I had a doubt. It was a subtle thing that played nearly silently in my mind. However, over time the doubt became troubling.

Part of opening up a relationship means lots of discussions that for us, are sometimes overly analytical and other times purely emotional. I was surprised to find out we weren’t exactly equal in what we wanted. The initial plan was to stick together during the entire swinging experience, but over time we realized that would be impractical. Kids and work schedule were getting in the way.

I suggested we try dating separately so we weren’t at the mercy of our hectic schedules. I liked the idea of enjoying new experiences on my own, but he was not interested in dating at all. It didn’t matter how much I wanted him to enjoy being with someone else on his own, the desire just wasn’t there. His lack of enthusiasm for poly dating didn’t mean he wanted to hold me back from experimenting myself. He was happy to play with me but he also understood that I needed a little bit more.

Still I started to worry, a sort of comperison death spiral. Was he really getting everything he needed? I still felt unsure even after all the research kept telling me it was fine.

But research alone doesn’t make you an expert. Real life experience is also needed and I had little of that. Feeling like I sounded embarrassingly naive, I called a friend. Was it really okay that our open relationship was not equal? Thankfully, I got the encouragement I needed to confidently proceed with our “swingopoly” relationship.

It was then that I realized there have always been instances in our relationship where we had to do things at a different pace. There has never been a problem with socializing separately. A dance class specifically comes to mind when I think of us trying too hard to do something together. Early in our relationship I decided to take a ballroom class. My husband’s first instinct upon learning this was to join too.

Dance classes were never something he was interested in, so I hadn’t planned on taking the class with him. I thought we’d have fun together anyway. It wasn't the pleasant experience we had hoped. Having a background in dance meant I would learn quickly and was ready to move on. He had no dance experience other than night clubs so he picked up the steps slower. It was hard to wait for my partner. This kind of dance was all about moving together and it just wasn’t happening. Then the arguing started.

He was frustrated because he couldn’t get his feet to move the way he wanted to. I was frustrated because I wanted to move on. Everyone in the class came as a couple so no one ever switched partners.

For eight weeks, we bickered and stepped on each others toes trying to make two different learning styles work. A year later, I decided to take a class again. This time I suggested taking the class by myself and he wholeheartedly agreed.

I found a class where no partner was required. Being only one of three non-partnered women, I got to dance with one of the teaching assistants. We tore up the floor. I learned at a much faster rate and became a sought after partner. This was followed by swing dancing then, I started going to clubs on my own. My husband would use that time to do things on his own. We never felt jealous or envious of the other’s time. We were pursuing individual interests that the other didn’t necessarily want to participate in and still doing fun stuff together.

This same idea was what we were applying to our open relationship. We are not only a partnership but also individual people with individual needs. We also have to make this work with outside forces controlling our schedule.

Trying to make that work in tandem can result in both partners being frustrated with the process. Sometimes you need to find another dance partner, or partners, that fit different needs. Or at least learn that it’s fine to dance separately when you need to. Communicating openly and honestly with each other meant we found the right balance. This may change over time but we know now not to force ourselves to dance together.

As the song says, “Darling, save the last dance for me.”

Originally posted at Life on the Swingset.

Technogeisha loves to use her passion for writing and research to learn more about open relationships and sexuality. She looks forward to sharing her discoveries with all of you. She writes for Life on the Swing Set and contributes to Sexis Social at Eden Fantasys and other sites. Find her on Facebook as Miko Technogeisha and on Twitter as @Technogeisha.

You have read this article Communication / emotional / Kink / polyamory / sexual adventures / Sexuality / swinging / Technogeisha with the title swinging. You can bookmark this page URL https://lamentoeternal.blogspot.com/2012/10/what-i-learned-through-polyswinging.html. Thanks!