Best of 2012! 5 Health Benefits of Orgasm

Since we got lots of love for this article, we're including it as a 2012 favorite!

Big, small, earth shattering: we love them all. I am talking about orgasms of course! Though Orgasm October is over, our whole team is thinking about orgasms. They make us feel amazing, relaxed, re-energized, happy, and sexy. Everyone loves an orgasm! Who doesn't? But, besides those awesome things, orgasms also have some great health benefits. Not only do they feel amazing but here are some ways they improve our health! Our Crimson Love reports.

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Like you ever needed an excuse to want an orgasm? Well, now you do. Below are 5 reasons you must be having orgasms regularly. Whether it's with a partner or alone, orgasms are an excellent way to touch yourself or sex yourself healthy. Anyway you spin it, orgasms are great!

Without adieu, the 5 health benefits of orgasm:

#1 Heart health

When your man cums, take it! Swallowing semen is not only good for your teeth but it is also good for your heart. Semen helps keeps plaque levels low and rigorous sex is also a great cardio workout. Have more sex and more orgasms because it helps keep your heart strong and your teeth healthy.


#2 Stress relief 

Ever notice how when you have that big "O" it feels like everything else that stresses you out just melts away? It's because of the chemicals that your brain releases, dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. They all give you happy, loving feelings. Sex for your stress, anyone?  

#3 Pain relief 

OK, so admittedly, we did just write an article about how sex can be painful. We hope this isn't the case. If you are experiencing pain in sex, do check out that article. However, if you're experiencing pain in different areas of your body, orgasm can really alleviate that pain.

How? Orgasm works similarly to stress relief when oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins are released in the body. When these chemicals are released, they increase your tolerance to pain. So, that headache that you have can feel a little better after a nice romp. No more excuses.

#4 Orgasms fight cancer

Regular sexual activity is good for your sexual organs. Regular ejaculation helps keep prostate cancer away. Similarly, regular sexual activity and orgasm is good for the vagina because it helps to keep different uterine conditions at bay. Have more sex to keep your sexual organs healthy!

#5 Better sleep 

After your orgasm, your body releases a cocktail of amazing chemicals. One of them is endorphins which not only makes you feel happy but can also have the effect of a sedative. More sex and orgasms for better sleep? Yes, please!

Having orgasms does wonders for the body and for your overall health. So, go ahead have some more.

With love from, GetLusty!

This is a guest post by our very own Crimson Love.

Crimson is our resident BDSM fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone! Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at amber@getlusty.com. 

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6 Tips for Success: Vulva 101 (NSFW)

At GetLusty, we have to admit it; we love vagina. Vagina's come in all shapes, colors and sizes, so we aim to showcase all kinds of vagina's in our articles--not just the touched up one's. Now, last week we talked about loving the vagina—whether its your own or your partner’s.

In this article, we'd like to tell you a little bit about what makes a vagina happy and healthy and on great days, horny. GetLusty's Tia Shine reports.

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First off, grab a hand mirror. I’m not going to ask you to touch it—just take a look at it. Don’t worry—we’re doing this together. Now, don’t go looking for the vagina—you’re not going to see it. What you are going to see is the vulva. Most women do not know that what we actually can see with the naked eye is called the vulva. The vagina is the actual canal that leads from the opening to the cervix.

Notice your curves

First thing you should notice—there is a layer of fat where pubic hair grows. That’s called the mons pubis. It is there to protect the vaginal bone and heighten sexual arousal as part of the clitoral complex. It connects to the labia majora, the outer lips of the vagina, which are also used as boundaries to protect the vulva. Within the labia majora, we have the labia minora, which are strongly connected to clitoris. 

Find your clitoris

Like I mentioned in my previous article, Ode to the Vagina, seventy percent of women experience orgasms from the clitoris. Just a suggestion—learn to love your clitoris. With 8000 nerve endings, it is there solely for pleasure and can provide you with sexual euphoria, time and time again. Confused where all of this is? Look at this picture and remember—starting from the mons pubis, you have your urethra, the vaginal opening, and then the anus. This seems elementary, but “which lucky hole is it?” is a question many women ask themselves when putting in their first tampon.

More on the vagina

The vagina. It has a few functions—it is used for birthing, sexual pleasure, and the release of blood during menstruation. It can get longer and wider depending on the time of the month, the penis of the moment, or the birth of the year.

A word on the G-spot

Inside the vagina, there lives the oh-so popular, yet controversial part: the G-spot. The Gräfenberg spot was discovered in 1981 and is considered to give women longer and more intense orgasms than the clitoris. It is known to be two to three inches inside the vagina against the front wall. If you’re interested in finding it, go for it!

Slip one or two fingers and put pressure in the direction of your stomach and you should feel a small, bean-shaped organ. If you do not want to do it yourself, you can use a vibrator or even your partner. Go ahead—your vagina is ready when you are. With that said, below are a few ways to make sure your vagina is feeling good all year long.

Bonus! Tips for the success of your vulva & vagina

1) Notice your vaginal discharge. It is the mucus your vagina releases as a way to clean and protect the vagina from bacteria.

Every woman differs in the amount, but for the most part, it is a clear mucus that is released from the vagina during all moments of the day and can vary depending on the woman’s cycle. It also tends to increase during your sexy-time with your partner and even when you have a few dirty thoughts during work. It is an expression used by the vagina to let us know how horny and how healthy we actually are.

2) Get to know your smell. Every woman has a distinct smell that comes from between her legs. If it smells a little different or more potent than usual, think about the last time you showered. Also, remember that the vagina may smell differently when you are ovulating, menstruating, or sexually aroused. If uncertain, talk to your gynecologist.

3) Don't douche. You do not need to douche your vagina. It is unnecessary and could actually cause infections and unhealthy bacteria in the vagina. Just wash thoroughly while you’re in the shower and that should be enough.

4) When you are sexually aroused, do not be alarmed of your labia minora and majora appear swollen and/or red. You more than likely do not have an allergic reaction to your lube or are blushing with your lady parts—you’re just super turned on.

5) Some people say you should wear 100% cotton panties while you sleep, but I say let your vagina take a breather. It’s usually the only chance she gets to get some much-needed fresh air.

6) Treat her well. Wear silky underwear if that makes you feel sexy. Give her a little love in the morning when you wake up or before you go to sleep—or both. Surprise her with a midnight porn session.

From this article, you can tell the last thing the vagina is is easy—she’s intricate and purposeful. So keep her happy, healthy, and horny.

Thanks to the Beauty of Vagina's Tumblr for the gorgeous vagina pics! Love your vagina, ladies. There is NO wrong way to have a vagina!

Call her Tia. She's a recent graduate of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. During her college career, she was part of a volunteer group called the Sexual Health Peers where she bonded with like-minded, sex-positive people from various backgrounds and orientations. She has taught workshops on STDs, birth control, safe sex, and relationships. It was one of the highlights of her college career and allowed her to get involved in Planned Parenthood of Illinois in Action. She was a Campaign Organizer who stood for the reproductive rights of women in Illinois.

As a third-wave feminist, she currently works in the makeup industry promoting what she believes in: women should feel and be as beautiful as they want to without scrutiny. She believes in teaching factual and healthy outlooks on sex and relationships as a way to create a sex-positive culture where future generations can thrive.

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What is Vulva Massage & Why It's a Must-Try? (NSFW)

You can probably tell that, here at GetLusty, we love vulvas. That's why we want to dive into vulva massages! But what is a vulva massage? Tantra education, Devi Ward, is here to answer that question, plus why we ladies should massage our vulvas every day!

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Vulva massage, what is it?

Pussy massage, or as I like to affectionately say “vulva massage” just happens to be my favorite kind of massage, and the only sort of massage that I will indulge in on an almost daily basis.

Aside from just feeling really good, there are wondrous arrays of emotional and physiological benefits associated with a good old-fashioned vulva massage. What is a vulva you might ask? Check out Vulva 101 for more information!

3 reasons vulva massages are good for you


#1 It's healthy

It is emotionally and psychologically healing for women to feel comfortable enough with their bodies to enjoy touching their genitals in both a sexual and non-sexual way.

Back when we were little toddlers, before our sex-negative cultural conditioning was firmly established in our psyches, we touched our vulvas with blissful abandon. Completely free of any sense of guilt, shame, or even self-consciousness, we enjoyed the innocent exploration of our bodies, especially this mysterious area that felt so nice to hold and handle.

By massaging our vulvas on a regular basis, we not only inform our intellectual minds that this is happy & healthy thing to do, but we also inform our emotional body that this is an acceptable activity, thereby healing some of that painful misinformation we received as children so long ago.

#2 It heals

Regular full body massage is known to have physically healing, regenerative and even therapeutic effects on the cellular tissue of the body. If we are stressed out and tense, physical massage is usually a great way to relax the muscles and heal that stress related tension. Massage also acts to increase blood flow and circulation in the tissue being massaged, as well as help with stimulating the lymphatic system to support it’s work in carrying toxins out of the body. If massage works to do all of these things to other areas of your body, imagine what it can do for your genitals!

#3 It's highly sensual

Recent studies have shown that women have as much erectile tissue in our “sexual pleasure organs” as a man has in his penis. And, it can take as much as 20-45 minutes before all of that erectile tissue is fully engorged and ready for action. Vulva massage helps with a woman’s ability to fully respond to sexual stimulation by ensuring that all of her “pleasure centers” are primed and pumped!

I find it so very interesting that the primary function of “female viagra” is to increase blood flow and circulation in the sexual organs so that a woman can feel more sexual pleasure and sensation. I have had many female students report an increase in libido and sexual pleasure when they began to actively give themselves vulva massage in both a sexual and non-sexual manner.

With all of those amazing benefits, you would think that women would be having vulva massages on regular basis!

Devi Ward is an International Authentic Tantra Educator & Sensual Empowerment Coach. Devi has been on a path of Erotic Awakening and Spiritual Embodiment since 1993, studying meditation, holistic healing arts, and alternative forms of erotic expression. Devi has been a Professional Sensual Movement Artist since 1992.

Devi is the Founder of Feminine Emergence and creator of Sacred Erotic Dance™; a Movement-Healing modality that uses The 5 Core Pelvic Movements™, Authentic Tantra™ & Sensual Dance, to produce physical, emotional and spiritual healing in our relationship to sexual and sensual self-expression.

Her first book “Shake Your Soul Song! A Woman’s Guide To Self-Empowerment Through The Art of Self-Pleasure” is scheduled for release in October 2012. Follow Devi on Twitter @deviwardtantra and on Facebook.

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Do Kegels This #ToyWithMeTuesday!

We've talked about domination, restraints, contracts, and many other sexy forms of control. What about the subtleties of simple muscle control? Think of how many muscles go into a good love session. Usually we think of our legs, backs, and mostly our pelvises doing a majority of the work. GetLusty's Ellen Dukes is here to give a shout out to the often underrated, if not forgotten, Kegel muscles.

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Allow me a quick anatomy lesson, readers. Pelvic floor muscles, or Kegels as named for the gynecologist Arnold Kegel, extend from the front pubic bone all the way back towards the anus. The muscles help with everything from urination to childbirth, even orgasm.

Both male and female genitalia can benefit from Kegel exercise. For men, stronger Kegel's mean lasting longing, or at help staunch premature ejaculation, as well as stronger orgasms. Women also receive a whole lovely list of pluses from regular pelvic exercise, but what I'm mostly focusing on are the sexy benefits.

Firstly, the basic muscle move: the squeeze. 

You may not fully be aware of the muscle, but when you contract it, you'll know. Focus on your pelvis and pretend you're about to pee. Then stop the imaginary stream. Feel that smaller contraction? For guys it should be at the base of your scrotum, before your anus. Ladies, you'll feel it right around your vagina. It may sound bewilderingly obvious, but simply being aware of this powerful band of muscles can make a huge difference in your sex life. Ok, now that you've contracted, release. And that's the exercise. Seriously. It's small, but just ten minutes a day and you're on your way.

Try a few of these as well:

• Slowly contract in, almost in stages: loosely, tighter, even tighter, tightest. Then release in reverse. Think of it like ab crunches, just farther south and slower.
• Focus on the movement and control of the muscles.
• Squeeze for as long as you can, then slowly release. Try holding for 15 seconds, then 30, then even a full minute.
• Pulse squeeze for a minute, then rest a minute. Try going faster, then alternate slower.

The best part of these exercises? Do them anywhere! Try them at your desk, in the shower, or on the phone. Not like anyone can truly tell, so there's no excuse for the shy ones. It's a simple, easy, and fairly painless way to stronger Kegels, thus stronger orgasms.

Unfortunately for our lovely male readers, this next section is focused solely on vaginal tools.

The vagina is an extremely important muscle, not simply an orifice. What you awesome guys can do is encourage your lady partner to try out some of these tools at home. Seriously, it will play to both your favors in the end. And we're off!

Silicone would be best for beginners. The material is wonderfully hygienic, softer, and warms easily to your body's temperature. Glass sounds terrifyingly breakable, especially for such a tender area, but well made balls are perfectly safe. You may've read about some stainless steel balls used in Fifty Shades of Grey. Steel is also another perfectly fine material, you may want to warm them in your hands before insertion though.

Now you may be pondering the plural form of balls, wondering if there must always be more than one. Nay, reader, nay!

Though these toys usually come in pairs, do not feel it necessary to use both at the same time. Try one for a while, then work up to two. Pinkcherry actually sells singular Smartballs with a helpful strap for removal which look very promising for beginners. Our friend Tizzy Wall even did a YouTube video tutorial on these little lovelies.

Also, similar to the balls are crystal eggs. Though they look more like table top decorations, these eggs function the same as balls. The egg shape allows for a different, but equally pleasurable experience, as well as a new shape to work your Kegels around.

They're typically heavier than balls, which can make for a bit more of a challenge, so I'd recommend these as a transitional toy. Again, do not feel pressured to place both eggs in at once if you're not ready. These exercises are about knowing your strength and focusing on the sensual control you have over your own body. What's the point if you feel uncomfortable or downright pained?

Lastly, there are the kegel weights or bars. Think along the lines of dildoes meets Ben Wa. Again, usually silicone or glass, these exercisers focus on the same muscles as balls or eggs, simply with a different shape and approach. The phallus shape allows for more of the vaginal wall to grip while you can actually pull the bar farther inside of you, or push it out. Kind of like vaginal pull ups, but with an arousing aspect. Pinkcherry has several models to choose from, differing in shape, length, and girth. I would recommend beginning with a very simple form, like Berman Intimate's Kona. We recommend only water-based lubes with this product, due to its texture.

Now that I've armed you with more vaginal knowledge, go forth! And remember your daily Kegels!

This is a guest post by GetLusty writer, Ellen Dukes. Though Ellen Dukes is not an ethical slut (a damn respectable title, she'll have you know), her curiosity, openness, and the indefatigable search engine Google have lead her to a 21st century sex education.

A Chicagoan, you may see Ellen enjoying the delights of her deeply loving relationship with her boyfriend. Have a naughty story? She's heard naughtier, but tell her all the same at editorial@getlusty.com. She's a wannabe sexpert with years of porn viewing, listening to sex stories, and textbook browsing just waiting to put this knowledge to wonderful use.

You have read this article better sex / Ellen Dukes / for women / foreplay / toys / vagina with the title vagina. You can bookmark this page URL https://lamentoeternal.blogspot.com/2012/12/do-kegels-this-toywithmetuesday.html. Thanks!

Tighten Up! How to Practice your Kegels

You'd think this is how to exercise your Kegel muscles. No. But doing your Kegels are just as simple! Think of the benefits of working out: it improves your sex life, outlook on life and self-esteem (it's Naked November, after all). The human body consists of several hundred muscles. Exercising each and every muscle can be a bit daunting--but it doesn't have to be. Today, we would like to share some exercise tips for the all important Kegel muscles. What makes them so important? How does one exercise their Kegel muscles anyway? GetLusty's Jason Estrada reports.

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Raise your hand if you know what and where your pubococcygeus (PC) muscles are. Never heard of it? Well, you might wanna pay attention. The PC muscles are part of the pelvic floor, and these muscles play a big role in your daily life. These muscles stretch from your anus to your urinary sphincter and hold your internal organs in place.

Back in 1948 a doctor by the name of Arnold Kegel published something called a pelvic floor exercise. Today, we call it a Kegel exercise. All it really consists of is repetitive contractions and relaxation of the muscles that form part of the pelvic floor. Most people, today, refer to them as the "Kegel muscles."

Below are reasons why you want to exercise these muscles:

Pregnant Women

All sorts of craziness happens to a woman's body during, and after, pregnancy. I don't mean "craziness" - I mean, a woman's body is endowed with natural and beautiful manifestations. Beautiful things like vaginal prolapse, uterine prolapse, and urinary incontinence. Kegel exercises can prevent and treat these effects of pregnancy.

Men (pregnant or not)

Don't worry men, you're in no danger of vaginal prolapse, but urinary incontinence does affect you. Another thing to keep in mind is your prostate. Kegel exercises are beneficial in treating prostate pain and swelling due to benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) and prostatitis.

Better Sex!


Now that we have your attention: Dr. Kegel published a report that claimed women doing these exercises were climaxing more easily, more frequently, and with greater intensity.

Research published in BJU International concluded "that pelvic floor exercises should be considered as a first-line approach for men seeking long-term resolution of their erectile dysfunction. After the 3 month study, 40% of men regained normal erectile function, and 35.5% had experienced some improvement.

Also, having more control over these pelvic muscles is said to have benefits for the problem of premature ejaculation.


Exercises for Women

First, you have to find your pelvic floor muscles. A good trick is to stop urination in midstream. The alternative is doing the same exercise after you've stopped peeing. The muscles that stopped your urine are the ones you're looking for. Now finishing emptying your bladder. You should always have an empty bladder when exercising your pelvic floor muscles.

Now that you're off the "John", go lie on your back. Contract your pelvic floor muscles and hold for 5 seconds, then relax for 5 seconds. Do a set of 4 to 5. Your goal should be to constantly improve the amount of time you can keep the muscles contracted. Work up to 10 second repetitions. Also, keep your focus on the pelvic floor muscles. Don't flex your abs, thighs, or buttocks. This exercise is no different from any other, so keep breathing. Do not hold your breath.

For the gents

Locating the "Kegel" muscles is the same for men. During urination, stop or slow down the flow. Another way - pretend you're trying to stop the passage of gas. Yep, there it is. Squeezing the pelvic floor muscles gives us guys a pulling sensation. Now do it like the ladies. Start with a set of 4 to 5 second contractions, and work your way up to 10 second reps.

The goal for both men and women should be 3 sets of 10 second repetitions each day.

Kegel exercise tools

Naturally, there are a large array of tools manufactured and sold to help exercise this tiny little patch of muscles.

Kegel Balls: Also known as ben wa, these weighted pairs of glass or metal balls are inserted into a woman's vagina for the mere purpose of having something to hold onto.

Vaginal Cone: These weighted devices work like the Kegel balls. These cones can be rigid or filled with gel or a fluid. Once inserted, just hold on.

Biofeedback: It's not as intense as it sounds. That's a lie - it is pretty extreme. Biofeedback uses electrical stimulation to help identify your pelvic muscles, and can also exercise the muscles for you.



Kegel Exerciser: These are meant for resistance training. It looks like a hand grip strengthener. After it's inserted into the woman's vagina, the handles are spread apart. The woman, then, squeezes the handles together, building muscle strength by holding the device closed for several seconds.

If you can't seem to locate your "Kegel" muscles, or are having trouble strengthening the area, go ahead and look into these kinds of tools. If you don't need them, then don't waste your money.

Tool or not, don't ignore the importance of a strong pubococcygeus muscle. Stay Lusty!

Speaking of kegels, have you 'Liked' GetLusty on Facebook yet? We're giving away a Tiani 2 to a lucky 'Liker' by December 1st. We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, as well as Twitter @getlusty. What?! You're on those platforms and aren't in tune with our awesome content? Have amazing sex. Get lusty. 

Jason Estrada is currently working on his master's for creative writing, in the hopes of becoming a very rich screenwriter some day. His other interests include photography, cinematography, and video editing. His favorite book is The Great Gatsby. Favorite movie is either The Crow or When Harry Met Sally - can't decide. And his all time favorite show is Doctor Who.

When he's not enjoying any of those things, you can find him at home, drinking and smoking way too much while listening to VNV Nation. Connect with him via email at jason@getlusty.com or subscribe via Facebook.

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8 Fun Sex Facts You Should Know

Just because you've had plenty of sex doesn't mean you know it all! Sexual pleasure can be a learning process overtime as bodies change and so likes and dislikes. GetLusty writer Eileen Prouffe hopes that some of these fun sex facts will bring about more pleasure and fun for you and your partner. Read on!

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#1 Size doesn't really matter

For the gents out there: penis size doesn't matter as much as we might think it does. The average penis size internationally is around 5-7 inches (erect). The average non-child bearing woman’s vagina is only 3 inches long when not aroused (measured from the opening of the vagina to the tip of the cervix). Once she’s sexually excited, her vagina only extends another inch or so. Though some women have more vaginal depth. According to Ask Alice, "Regardless, during arousal, blood flows to the genital area, and sexual excitement causes the upper two-thirds of the vagina to lengthen by forcing the cervix and uterus to ascend." We recently addressed this noting penis size doesn't matter.

#2 It'll whip you to shape

Of course, some of the positions in our sex positions library are more 'advanced' than others. Imagine the difference between athletic sex, a few swings of your whip for a little spanking session or full-on athletic sex. An average person of about 150 lbs can burn about 216 calories in about 45 minutes of sex. There's also a more comprehensive list of calories burned during sexual activity including New Yorker sex versus Los Angeles counterparts, spanking and even "after watching a Paris Hilton video," from the Calorie Lab as published in the American Journal of Exercise Calorimetry in August 2006. So, if your issue is that you don't have time for sex and working out then, just have sex and kill two birds with one stone.

#3 The G-spot is named after a German physician

The G stands for the Gräfenberg spot which was named by Ernst Gräfenberg, a German physician who studied women's orgasms. Though there is still controversy about whether G-spots really does exist (GetLusty ladies are in agreement for an emphatic, "YES!"). Even well-researched Sex Expert Debby Herbenick isn't completely sure the G-spot even exists. The definitive answer? Some women feel that they definitely have a g-spot, while others do not. Personally, I feel that I do have one because I know that there is a little spot down there where amazing things can start happening. Can't find yours? Not to worry. We've written extensively on G-spot orgasms, including the most recent on having G-spot orgasms during cunnilingus. Also, we have recommendations of books on G-spot orgasms and even squirting 101.

#4 Semen could make you happier

A recent study done at the State University of New York in Albany, suggests that semen can be an antidepressant. This study found that women who have vaginal sex without a condom show fewer signs of depression than women who abstain or regularly use condoms. Other research has shown that semen may also boost your cardio health. Although these sources have not been proven, it doesn't hurt to try. 

#5 Kissing causes happiness

Sure, there may be times when people don't bother to kiss while having sex because they are in a hurry or because they haven't brushed their teeth yet, but according to WebMD, kissing can really bring people closer together and make them feel more of a connection. Sometimes couples who have been together for a while start to skip this part of the relationship, but really you should consider rekindling it and making it a priority. Kissing is considered a really intimate way to connect with a person so maybe that's why a kiss can be highly valued. Get your smooches on!

#6 Sex can boost your immune system

Both having sex and having an orgasm have numerous health benefits, including boosting your immune system. Scientists have proven that having sex twice or more a week can boost your immunity and help prevent diseases like a common cold or other infections. Because people who have regular sex are exposed to more infectious agents. The body then responds by increasing antibodies and boosting the immune system. This winter, it may be beneficial to take more trips to the bedroom with your partner instead of going to the pharmacy.

#7 The clitoris has more nerve endings than a penis

The clitoris has 7000 nerve endings while a penis has about 4000. This may help explain why some women may be more sensitive and particular in the way that they like to be touched. Not all women prefer the same thing so, it takes a little exploration to figure out what each individual prefers. For those continuing the sexual exploration process, we recommend female masturbation to learn more about what stimulates you best.

#8 The left side of the clitoris is more pleasurable than the right

If you're looking to explore her vulva and clitoris, how about trying it a little to the left? In the book Extended Massive Orgasm, Steve and Vera Bondansky found that it pays off to aim to the left. It was discovered that most women interviewed for the book found that the upper-left quadrant of the clitoral head is more sensitive than the right. Go ahead and tell your partner to go left!

Speaking of sexy fun, have you 'Liked' GetLusty on Facebook yet? We're giving away a Tiani 2 to a lucky 'Liker' by December 1st. We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, as well as Twitter @getlusty. What?! You're on those platforms and aren't in tune with our awesome content? Have amazing sex. Get lusty. 

Eileen Prouffe is a GetLusty staff writer with over ten years as a working mom trying to keep her love alive. If she's not having fun with her three kids, she's staring into the eyes of her loving husband. She looks forward to sharing her ideas, tips and knowledge with everyone to help improve relationships and put an end to dull sex lives. Get in touch with Eileen at eileen@getlusty.com.

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Philip Werner Talks Vaginas, Nakedness & Body Image

There's a mysterious negative stigma attached to our bodies in America. Violence and drug-use rule the airwaves, but the thought of a penis or breast being shown is revolting. Why are we so ashamed of our bodies? What happened between the time when we all walked around naked with spears? Well, not all of us are ashamed. GetLusty asked Philip Werner some questions about his book,  101 Vagina and his thoughts on how women perceive natural beauty.

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What is the premise of the 101 Vagina coffee table book project and what inspired you to create it?

The main idea is to break the taboo around vaginas and ease all the body image shame in general. I was first inspired after reading the Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler as it really highlighted how big an issue this really is. Our entire society is hobbled by these taboos and by this shame around our bodies.

Why do you think portraying pictures of vaginas, or even mentioning them, is still so taboo?

Yes, there is a bizarre juxtaposition where on the one hand sex and bodies are sensationalized and on the other, people feel ashamed and almost afraid of the simple realities of our bodies. Bikini clad women are plastered all around us and yet some people feel uncomfortable with women breast feeding in public. Something has gone wrong somewhere and I honestly don't know how we ended up in this situation where people are afraid of the simple realities of their bodies. Perhaps vaginas are the ultimate symbol of vulnerability, openness, the feminine; all the things that the ideas of power, protection and control feel threatened by. But honestly I don't know.

How do you think nude photography and seeing other women nude can help individuals overcome shame and issues with their own bodies?

Well, I think in particular when naked bodies are depicted as they are without Photoshopping, it helps deconstruct these marketing-driven ideals that have been rammed down our throats. If you see someone who is also imperfect, just like you, you feel validated in a way. Somehow it reminds you that, yes, they are OK, and therefore I'm OK.

I was at a nude beach recently and there was a woman who had obviously had a mastectomy. One of her breasts was missing a nipple and both breasts obviously had implants. It took me aback initially, but it was also very reassuring somehow that humans are somehow perfect in their imperfections. She was comfortable, probably having come to terms with it long ago. How unfortunate that we hide our imperfections from each other all the time, no wonder so many people are depressed, trying to live up to some stupid ideals of everlasting happiness and "beauty".

Like with overly skinny models and Photoshopped, airbrushed celebrities, do you think porn puts forth the wrong image of what vaginas should look like and make women self-conscious about their own nudity? What negative side-effects have you seen related to this issue? 

Well, I think this is an interesting issue and there are many sides. "Porn," comes in so many different variations, and anyone that's had a bit of a look around will have seen many different looking vaginas. Yes, in mainstream porn most women are shaved, for example, but home made porn seems to be becoming more popular where ordinary people are just the way they are. Again the problem with porn has been that it's been market driven, rather than community driven. Look at music these days. The big marketing machines are being circumvented by everyone being able to make and upload their own music. It means people are making what they love, rather then just what the big bosses say sells records. I think ultimately the same will happen with porn, people will just make their own and the big end of town will loose it's grip.

But coming back to your question, yes, certainly anything which presents an unreal image to the world will lead people to believing that they themselves are not normal. In Australia we have the terrible situation that soft core porn mags have to airbrush vaginas into a thin slit. No labia are allowed to show. It's ludicrous. Women end up believing that they themselves are not normal and seek out plastic surgery. It's so, so sad that a teenage girl might think her vagina does not look the way it's "supposed" to look.

Besides an inaccurate representation of “normal,” what other reasons have you seen for women being ashamed of their bodies and their vaginas?

Yes, besides all the women's magazines, porn, etc? Well, there is also peer pressure isn't there. So many of the older school feminists blame men for everything, but so often the pressure to conform comes from other girls in school or other women in social circles. Most people want to fit in and be accepted and conform. But this is also where things can change. Often it only takes one person to break out from a group and say, "I'm happy with how I am and I don't think we need to all look the same" for the whole dynamic to change. And this requires courage.

How does portraying vaginas help pave the way for discussion of “taboo” topics like rape and genital mutilation?

Well, I think to a degree there is an indirect knock on effect. If someone feels more comfortable with their bodies as a result of surrounding themselves with positive messages then they will feel more empowered to talk about things. It may be easy to talk about rape or genital mutilation from an academic perspective, but it takes a lot of courage to talk about your own experience of having been violated.

So, for example, say someone has suffered some sort of abuse, or they have some difficulty with their sexuality but they have never spoken about it. Then at some point they come across a "vagina positive" book and they realize that they perhaps don't need to be so ashamed. They may, perhaps, open up to someone about their experience and that could trigger a huge healing cycle for them. Or someone has an irregularity that they ought to get checked out at the doctor but they feel embarrassed, etc. Shame prevents us from talking about things. Seeing material which unashamedly addresses that issue will help ease people's shame.

Remember also that with 101 Vagina, in particular, there is also a message that accompanies every photo. These messages are so diverse, and really it is these stories that give the book it's depth.

Who are the models for the 101 Vagina project? Was it a big step for some of them to be photographed nude and what were their reactions to their pictures?

It started with friends. However, after a few months I had only taken a few photos and I realized I needed to ramp things up. That's when I built the website and Facebook page. I invited every woman I knew in Melbourne, and then things spread from there. Before long the word got out and complete strangers came in to participate. I think the project has really struck a chord with a lot of people.

We understand you are self-publishing the book as of now and raising funds for its first print run. After the book is printed, what kind of reception do you foresee?

Oh, if only I had a crystal ball. So far people have been incredibly positive and supportive and I hope that will continue. Obviously I'd love the book to go as far as it can to have as large an impact as possible. I'd love to get on talk shows, radio shows, etc. Oprah? Ellen? I don't even know who's doing what really, I don't have a TV myself, but yes, I'd love it to go big. And the bigger the better since $5 from every book will go towards women's charities. But I understand the reality that ultimately no one cared about your project as much as you do. Never mind, if I only sell 100 copies so be it. In a way the project has already been successful because it has already touched a lot of people's lives.

Where can our readers go to learn more and how can they support the project?

Please visit the crowdfunding page to support the project here: http://pozible.com/101vagina.

In addition to the 101 Vagina project, you’re also selling a vagina calendar to raise funds for the One Billion Rising event protesting violence against women. Tell us more about it. How did you get involved, and how does this event’s message relate to 101 Vagina’s goal of erasing the taboo surrounding women’s bodies?

Yes, it's an interesting union and one that some people may find a bit jarring, but I really believe that we need to take an unflinching look at the causes of sexual abuse rather than simply lament and be outraged at it's occurrence. I strongly believe that sexual repression and sexual aggression/abuse are connected. I just don't think that anyone who is truly comfortable in their sexuality would ever impose themselves on another person. Rape and abuse are NOT expressions of sexual freedom, but of sexual repression. And sexual repression is closely related to body image shame and taboos.

One Billion Rising is a V-Day event, and V-day was founded by Eve Ensler who wrote The Vagina Monologues, so it's already a natural fit. I got involved because I already knew about V-day and One Billion Rising, and when some friends of mine started planing to organize an event in Melbourne I jumped on board. Regarding the calendar, well I figured that the media often like controversial calendars that are raising money for good causes, so this might be a way to raise the funds needed to stage the event in the most visible place in Melbourne. It's not cheap, we've got to come up with $20,000 and are also looking for corporate sponsors. We can be contacted at: onebillionrisingmelbourne@gmail.com.

Philip Werner is a Melbourne (Australia) based photographer (philipwernerfoto.com), web-designer, mediator, furniture maker (lazydeckchairs.com.au), thinker, engineer, shit-stirrer and perhaps soon-to-be book publisher (101vagina.com).

He has traveled the external and internal world extensively and gotten a closer understanding of each in the process. His photographic portrait work demonstrates this awareness through the depth of presence he captures in his subjects, bringing their internal world to light in the external form of their bodies. Follow him on Twitter & Facebook.

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Ladies! Is Sex Painful? Find Out Why

Sometimes, we women feel like we should have sex. Maybe it's been a while or maybe you have a sex break scheduled. You don't want to disappoint your love. Now somewhere in or around your vaginal opening or walls hurts, maybe you nicked your inner lips while shaving, waxing, or prepping. We've all been there, but how do you describe this to a lover? How important is to have sex that's pleasurable for the both of you? What do you when sex is painful? Dr. Jenn, a leading sex educator and therapist from sunny, warm San Diego reports.

* * *

Dear Dr. Jenn,

Is it normal to have pain when I have sex with my boyfriend? It’s not all the time, but about half the time I have to stop him once he’s inside because it hurts too much. What should we do?

Thank you!
Sex is a Pain

Dear Sex is a Pain,

I’m so sorry to hear you’re experiencing pain! But very happy that you brought it up, since you are not alone. A 2010 Indiana University study found that one third of women reported genital pain during their last sexual encounter. First, a few clarifying questions: Where is the pain located? Is it inside or outside your vagina? What does the pain feel like, for example, is it burning or sore? Has this happened with past partners? Can you pinpoint any differences between the times you have pain and the times you do not?

If the pain is deep inside and only occasional, it might be connected to changes in your menstrual cycle, which can shift your cervix and uterus. I suggest that you alter sexual positions when there’s pain, to find one that doesn’t allow for deep penetration.

On the other hand, if the pain is right around the entrance to your vagina, there are likely other factors coming into play, such as lubrication and time. Since the pain is not always present, I’m guessing that the difference could be that you haven’t had enough time to get all juicy and lubricated.

All bodies are different, and some people need more foreplay prior to intercourse to allow their genitals to engorge with blood and for the body to kick in with natural vaginal lubrication. More finger and tongue action around the vulva and vaginal opening should better prepare you for penetration.

Also, adding a personal lubricant can help reduce unwanted friction (I recommend brands like Sliquid, Hathor Aphrodisia, or Pink). If you believe you have a physical problem that is not addressed here or is more serious (e.g., vulvodynia), we are lucky in San Diego to have the Sexual Medicine Clinic at Alvarado Hospital. Visit them to determine the source of your pain.


It’s very important that you openly discuss this with your boyfriend. You want to make sure both of you are doing what you can to stop the pain. Sometimes women grin and bear it, but in the long run this creates a negative feedback loop around sex. Sex should be fun and pleasurable for both partners and I hope this helps you achieve that. I wish you happy and healthy sex!

Passionately,
Dr. Jenn

This article was cross posted with permission from Dr. Jenn's Blog. *This article was originally posted to the Sex & Love Blog Series at Pacific San Diego Magazine.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, is a sociologist, sexuality speaker, and sex therapist, with a passion for challenging people to sexually think outside the box.

Dr. Jenn is a public speaker on topics including healthy relationships, love, gender, mindfulness, erotic play, and happiness. She counsels individuals and couples, in person and over Skype, to assist in creating and maintaining open communication and fulfilling intimacy. Dr. Jenn is a contributing writer for Pacific San Diego Magazine and is a sex and relationship expert on Fox 5 news and San Diego Living. Follow her on Twitter @DrJennsDen and Facebook.

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